So Random...

My Backyard...and Down the Road

2012-02-11T22:32:00.002-05:00

Some pics I took while walking down my street. There's a really weird story behind why I took these pictures, but I don't feel like typing anymore. Enjoy!

Nature Trail

2012-02-11T21:43:00.000-05:00

STOP SOPA!

2012-01-19T11:23:00.004-05:00

SOPA AWARENESS (Click Here)

Dry Spell

2011-12-31T10:38:00.003-05:00

*Old Stuff, Old Me (2006)*

Hotter than hell with nowhere to go

This faraway place never seen the sight of snow

Somewhat depressin’ never leavin’ this town

With dreams of wearin’ my red carpet gown

Misery needs company, and that I’ve never had

Nothin’ but a lousy mother; man, that’s sad

My gift ain’t givin’ like it once use to give

This place is got me wishin’ that I don’t wanna live

Dry spell, dry spell, dry me on out

Dry me on out till my talent don’t sprout

Ain’t nothin’ I can say or nothin’ I can do

Come on and take my joy away and my talent too

Loss

2011-12-31T10:02:00.002-05:00

*Old Stuff, Old Me (4/1/08)*

My brain is in need for desperate hydration

I crave for the slightest inspiration

But my nights have caught up with me; I walk the day in agony

My soles ache silently

I react violently

Yet, I have no strength

As the day grows older

I receive a cold shoulder

From the arising spring

Still, weariness it brings

My power source is fading

As my ability is trading

For lesser capacity of skill

This gives me less thrill

Perceptions: Who Am I?

2011-12-28T14:07:00.003-05:00

What do you make of a person who isn’t what they say they are? Do you call them a liar, do you stop dealing with that person all together, and how do you know if you’ve made the right choice by doing so? I’m not who I say I am. I have millions of people eating out of the palm of my hand, and they have no clue who I really am. I’m neither a politician, celebrity, public speaker, nor anything else of such prestige. I’m just a person who decided not to wear my heart, real or fake, on my sleeve. But don’t get me wrong; I haven’t lied to a single person. Lying is not a part of my lifestyle, and I wouldn’t start just gain favor. I just leave out a lot of details about myself may be too interesting, to say the least. I just leave out a lot of details about myself may be too interesting, to say the least.

I help people. I’ve never turned down anyone who was in need, but I’m sure I sound like a lot of other people you may know and don’t care about. But believe me; I’m not like the others. I actually care about people; I just don’t want anyone to get to know me. Sure I’ll tell you bits and pieces about my life but nothing that will keep people interested in me. It’s not that I’m naturally anti-social, if anyone really is; I’d just rather be alone, for now. People like me are a “dime a dozen”. We make friends easily because we’re sincere; however, we don’t give out exclusive information about ourselves that would make people want to be more than associates. But they always want more. We are always ourselves, just different versions around certain people or in certain situations. We don’t stick out, but we don’t seem to blend very well either but not from lack of trying. We try really hard to stay “under the radar”, but we’re always spotted because we’re too quiet. Ironic? Definitely.

To this day, I still don’t understand why people like me so much when I barely make an effort to show any interest in them. But I digress. I’ll stay on topic this time; I promise. The whole point of this is that you never know who the person beside you really is unless they allow you to. Of course they can have the most beautiful or ugliest personality, but you can still never completely know that person, even if you’ve known them for years. Those are the real gems that people search for but have trouble finding because of the cubic zirconia that are always in the way. The diamonds are out there; you just have to look a little harder and dig a little deeper. So did you believe any of that; did I sound sincere? If you think so, then you have no idea who I really am. Fact or fiction?

*This is completely fictional prose by the way*

The Consequences of Youth

2011-12-28T14:05:00.000-05:00

I really wouldn’t mind if I died right now. Oh, don’t feel sorry for me, please. I’m just too lazy to do anything about my current “situation”. The truth is that I’ve burned so many bridges that I’ve run out of water to put out the fires. Now, I haven’t a friend in the world; even my conscience doesn’t give me comfort anymore. My many transgressions have driven me to drink, among other things. But the worst part about it all is that all of this happened 30 years ago. I’m now an old man, full of booze and regret. And again I say, don’t pity me. Because the choices that lead me here were all well thought out and perfectly executed. The only thing that I didn’t plan for were consequences.

I wouldn’t accept your pity anyway; however, a slap in the face would do just fine. It’s a very long story that I wouldn’t bother telling if I was anywhere else but here. But I guess I’d have to tell someone eventually, and I guess I should relieve what’s left of my conscience before death finally catches up with me. I’ll try my best to make it quick, but please promise not to judge until you’ve heard the whole story. For once, I’d like someone to listen, presumption free, without any stones behind their backs. I need an honest judge, for a change, and not another view distorted by prejudice. I’m not asking for your sympathy because I don’t want it. I’m just asking you to listen first.

Searching Heart

2011-12-24T14:03:00.000-05:00

My paths are clear across the moon
Not searching for love that's found too soon
Though it won't wait 'til old and gray
But voyage for where it will cease to stray

*Inspired by a friend*

Shooting Star

2011-12-24T12:36:00.000-05:00

A restless soul on borrowed time

Lost in thoughts of lights with lime

With nothing else but love to find

Searching for life while deaf and blind

Stopped at death’s door with nothing to show

But an empty heart that will never grow

Because he would never venture too far

Pass the wishes on his shooting star

Lucy

2011-11-22T17:25:00.001-05:00

Lock me up

Lock me up!

Throw away the key

Do it now

Do it now!

Quickly, punish me!

Stay alert!

Eyes peeled!

Never count me out

Turn your back

And you will die

Because you didn’t doubt

Who am I?

Can you guess?

I’m not what see

I am Darkness

I am Death!

Never trust in me

Detour

2011-11-22T14:57:00.001-05:00

What do you do when everyone stops listening?

Who can you trust when edification becomes hindrance?

Where do you go when your refuge is in shambles?

How do you let go of bonds that are slowly becoming undone?

When do you stop pretending that nothing is wrong?

Coincidence?

2011-11-17T14:31:00.000-05:00

My name is Rusheena, and I have a tattoo of the Chinese symbol for happiness. Anything special about the two; do they have anything in common?

I got the tattoo when I was 18, just a few months before I got saved. I wanted a tattoo with meaning and more importantly, something that would look good. I love Chinese symbols, so I figured this was the perfect choice for a tattoo.The problem was that I didn't know is what it actually meant, and if I did, I would've never chosen it. Wouldn't it be horrifying to get something permanently stamped on your body thinking that it means one thing, then finding out that it means something totally different? What about finding out over a year later? Well, lucky for me, the meaning of my tattoo is something that I can live with having stamped on my body for the rest of my life. I was on the Internet, and by chance, I decided to look up the meaning of my tattoo. I saw the different symbols for happiness, which made me worried that I may have gotten the wrong symbol. Then I found a website with meaning of Chinese symbols. To my surprise, the Chinese symbol for happiness means "God and man in the garden together is a blessing." Cool huh? I just thought it was a coincidence and that I got lucky...until it happened again.

I never thought that my name meant anything special, if at all, until, recently, a good friend of mine told me that it did. I was skeptical, so I looked it up for myself and was shocked to find out that most of my name meant something, everything except for the first two syllables. One of my aunts named me, and I don't think she even knew what my name actually meant. It probably just sounded pretty and was similar my mother's name, Rudean. I'm guessing that's where the "Ru" came from. After my researching and confirmation from a number of other websites, I found out that Sheena means "God is gracious". It's funny because I found out about the meaning of "Sheena" in a very low point in my life. I'm not going to lie and say that I thought it was a divine intervention that made me suddenly started seeing more clearly because that's far from the truth. It took me while to get back on track, but that little fact gave me a little more motivation to try harder.

So, is it just a coincidence, that the meanings of my name and tattoo are associated with God's goodness and that I didn't find out about them until after He came into my life? Actually, little things like that have been happening to me a lot for the past couple of years, but that's a whole other story. I've guess everything that we do has meaning, whether good or bad, and will eventually come into play at some point in our lives. I'm living proof of that, and I'm not referring to the "coincidences". I 've been through a lot, before and after Jesus came into my life, but I've always came out stronger and ready to move forward. And when I think of everything that lead up to me getting saved, it doesn't seem like a coincidence at all.

Freeze Frame

2011-11-17T12:43:00.000-05:00

Some old pictures I took outside of my church. It was too beautiful outside to pass up the opportunity.

Honeymoon (Part II)

2011-09-28T12:52:00.001-04:00

She stares out the window as if for the first time

Her hands stroke the glass as she watches the rain in its prime

She makes not a sound nor looks my way while fixed on the night sky

I dare not tear her away from her gaze for fear that she might cry

My dark angel from God, what do you search for in the storm?

All you need is here, true love of the purest form

Nonetheless, I will wait for your attention to stray

Towards the rose petals on the bed so we can end our wedding day

Yet she makes no movement but the twirling of her hair

Ushering my mind in directions elsewhere

But the storm has just begun and won’t end until morning

She is not aware of which I speak and has heeded my warning

“Beware the virtuous groom, for his yearning is unruly”

Just turn around, my love. Turn and face the tempest within me

Waiting (Part I)

2011-09-06T17:36:00.001-04:00

My beautiful, radiant bride to be

Why do retire and alone, leave me?

I can watch you sleep with such passion and depth

Resisting all urges to feel your cool breath

May I steal a kiss while unwary and pure?

I promise I won’t wake you, that you can be sure

That dark hair and soft skin so drive me to temptation

But I promise to remain chaste, till that wonderful night of creation
Until then, my eyes will only venture through your mind

Like a vigorous explorer, keen to rejoice in his find

The Straw (You Know The Rest)

2011-09-03T19:54:00.001-04:00

You want Silence? Sure. Take it.

You’ll never hear my voice again

You want submission? Here it is!

I’ll submit, surrender, and one day break free

Making sure you won’t ever find me

But don’t hurry to be gloom

I’ll be safe from the clutches of doom

The escape route’s ready for journeying

I’ll be gone in a blink of an eye

You’ll be left with nothing but memories

Not even a last goodbye

So prepare to mourn for my absence

The casket’s all ready for burial

But be sure to think of me daily

And that day of your last betrayal…

In the end, I will prevail…

Words

2011-07-30T01:34:00.002-04:00

Why do my words hurt so many but help so few?

Why do my lips have to work faster than my brain?

They humor and comfort but tend to cut and bruise

They blister and ooze insults that take too long to heal

Yet they continue to flow like Niagara Falls, not caring who they spray

I guess my victims better keep on their raincoats at all times

Because they’ll never be safe around my impulsive imperfections

Maybe I should make a sign that says: “Warning: what you will hear may not be pleasant to the heart”

Maybe then, I don’t have to worry about those eggshells cutting my feet

Maybe then, I wouldn’t have to be a mouth monitor or tongue tamer

...Or maybe that’s the whole trouble in the first place…

The Last Shortcut

2011-05-21T11:15:00.001-04:00

The beautiful morning sun, slowly kisses my cold, dead face

And even though I'm gone, nature continues its pace

The early breeze doesn't chill, as it did the day before

Because I can feel nothing now, except the forest floor

Yesterday afternoon, I took the short route home

I didn't know that someone was watching, waiting for me to roam

He waited patiently, as I took in the lovely wood

Then he caught me by surprise; I have to admit, his timing was good

And after he was done, he left me here uncovered

Because somehow, he saw fame, in my remains being discovered

So now, I lie and wait, for an innocent eye

To find me on the shortcut, I took without saying "goodbye"

Addict

2011-05-13T14:16:00.005-04:00

Coast is clear

Get “the stuff”

Lock the doors

Turn off the lights

Check the door again

Is it locked?

...Yes

“Set up camp”

Not to loud, though

I have to hear if someone comes in

You ready?

You sure?

Do you really want this?

Is it worth it?

There’s still time

To go back

And stop all of this

…Yes…

I’m ready

I don’t want to stop any of this

Not until I’ve had my fill

Then, I’ll just suffer the consequences later

It’s good

Getting better

Nirvana!

Now it’s gone…

You ready?

You ready for the consequences?

You sure?

…Yes…

I’m ready

The Mirage of Shay

2011-05-13T14:15:00.002-04:00

I’m not an adjective

I’m not the hairstyle that I wear

I’m not the glasses that I constantly push up on my face

I’m not my face

I am a person

I am a creation

I am lovely

Yet I make myself the hairstyle I wear

The glasses that I push up on my face

I make my face an image and not a part of me

That phantom in the corner, that image that resembles a face

But it hasn’t been a face in a long time

Since months ago when I was a person and not a puppet

Since years ago when I had a voice to speak

Now, all the remains is a mere shadow

A shadow that never follows its body

Just a dark figure being stepped on everyday by strangers

Only a vision that can be stretched and shrunken but never touched

Forbidden

2011-05-13T14:14:00.001-04:00

O no! What am I doing?!

Am I falling for this again?!

“Hook, line, and sinker,” they always say

But I never thought that I could sink so low

Yes, he is appealing

Like that apple that Eve was gawking at that day

I’m sure he’s just as sweet

And I’m positive that there will be consequences

He’s not of my yolk

But he’s not a bad egg

He’s just a good egg that fell out of The Basket

I pray that his beautiful shell doesn’t get cracked

Nothing could ever become of this

But I want so very much

To run my fingers through his hair

And look into those deep, beautiful eyes

But he’s not…

I’m not…

We’re star-crossed

So let’s just leave it at that

A Misunderstanding

2011-05-13T14:13:00.001-04:00

You misunderstood me, Ma’am

I didn’t mean what I said

I thought you said that you would understand?

I thought you said that you would listen?

But I barely got out a sentence

Before you grabbed your robe and gabble

Before you got the jury ready

But didn’t bother to appoint me an attorney

How could you?!

I thought you different!

I thought that you understood me

I thought that you cared

Shame on me to believe one lie after another

To make myself comfortable in a place where I had no business

Foolish of me to trust again

Naïve old me

But I understand why you did what you did

I understand why you said what you said

But what I don’t understand…

Is why you didn’t understand

He Likes Me Not

2011-05-13T14:08:00.001-04:00

I like him

I know he likes me as a person

Maybe not like I like him, but that’s a start

Right?

Is it just me, or is he staring at me?!

Yes, he is! I knew it!

But he’s making me really nervous

Look away so he’ll think I’m not interested

Is he…is he walking up to me?

Why? We don’t talk

We don’t even say “hello” to each other

What could he possibly want?

Maybe he’ll ask me out on a date!

Maybe he’ll ask me to help him with his homework!

Maybe he….

Oh…he only wants to know the time

Spring's Riot

2010-11-06T19:45:00.003-04:00

The fresh, dry air crept through winter's core, one day

It stirred up such a fuss, that even the creatures thought it was May

The birds' songs were violent; they sang with fire so gay

The grass turned green with envy

The sky was no longer gray

Flowers bloomed with fury, as the dead trees resurrected

The wind then joined the union, while the rest made winter rejected

The sun burned with arrogance, for it knew its time was near

The riot reigned all that day, while they all shouted with cheer!

Roaring Wind

2010-11-06T19:40:00.002-04:00

The crew obeys the command of their master

As he roars with intensity to make them move faster

He shouts and rants, "Go forth" and "Come here"

They rustle with grief from dying every year

The sibling of the sea shows his fury and power

While the rest of God's creations retreat and cower

The beautiful winter afternoon celebrates his rare occurrence

It gives him gifts of clouds and rain to strengthen his presence

The crew joins the party; then they all rejoice

And just for today, the world hears nature's true voice

Winter

2010-11-06T19:37:00.003-04:00

As I look through the foggy winter windows I finally see why the bitter wind blows

The day's potential is gone astray

But the possibility is never gone away

The dead trees dream of rebirth and beauty

Even though mother roots commands them to do their duty

Crisp air and blue skies aren't enough for the viewers

But the winter will always be our favorite entrepreneur

The Unfamiliar Faces

2010-11-06T19:27:00.002-04:00

The awkward silence is always a killer

Empty gazes pass as I search for a thriller

Enjoyment fills the atmosphere but, I can't inhale

Because extravagance and elegance is what I need to excel

Not given a chance to speak, irritation takes its course

Irritation then turns to sorrow, as I look around for remorse

Diversion and distractions only make me feel more worthless

I'm starting to think the social society has forgotten its purpose

They dance and chat amongst themselves, which makes their objective clear

But the shame that's buried in my heart seems to make my cause less mere

I finally get at least one person's attention

Tear-filled eyes always get an honorable mention

True beauty will never be recognized

As long as popularity's not compromised

The meek and honorable have no place with "nobility"

The unfortunate is the consequence of shattered tranquility

Timidity is the Enemy

2010-11-06T19:22:00.002-04:00

Blank as the stares of a dreamer

Her brown eyes wonder for occupation, but boredom won't leave her

Variety of faces swim in the sea of conversations

However, he lonely face continues in her contemplation

The eyes look around, but the head goes down

Yet, the ears persist to wonder

The sounds excite, to her delight, but the brain does not grown fonder

The lips dry from lack of interaction

While she finds no main attraction

Pretending to concentrate as she thinks of entertainment

God only knows how long she'll take this social detainment

The Man on the Stump

2010-11-06T19:18:00.001-04:00

(Short story in poetic form)

*As the crowd tries to convince the mad man to untie his knuce and come down from the stump, the mad man threatens all the more to plunge to his demise.*

"You call this crazy?
Well save your weak insults for the lazy!
You cannot stop the happening of my destiny
For whatever it shall be.
Not any closer or I plunge to my fate.
It's too soon to tell if you are too late.
So, sit and calm your busy minds;
It's time to hear a story of my kind.

(Story)

A man was walking in the dark, on a lonely road,
Until he stumbled upon a bright, yellow toad.
Though very hungry, he was mildly disgusted
By the warts on it, that had been pinched and busted,
But without warning, he grabbed the horrid beast
To have it as a, self- proclaimed, life-saving feast.
He roasted it carefully; he ate it whole.
Unfortunately, the meal started to take its toll.
Regurgitation is such a horrid thing.
That man got rid of every gut of string.
Though it didn't help him, after all;
He started to grow moles that following fall.
Terrified with his appearance, he held himself hostage,
Deep into the woods, in a dilapidated cottage.
All mirrors were disposed.
He thought he could forget, he supposed.
Unfortunately, he began to feel his shame.
Every night, he'd awake in magnificent pain,
Always in strain. How much more life would drain?

He tried, very hard, not to go insane.
He endured the suffering for several years;
Until, his house became filled with tears.
Looking for solutions, he attempted in vain,
Sitting, every night, in the freezing rain.
He finally conceived the perfect plan!

He’d do something to hid himself from every man.
One morning, he grabbed a white rope.
He tied it to a tree and around his throat.
He balanced himself with a tall, rugged stump,
Moving not a muscle, not even a small jump.
There, he stood for days, with contemplation in his thoughts.
He struggled in his mind as he constantly fought
Continue suffering, or assuage?

He was so sick of life turned mirage.
Which one would he choose?
Either way, he’d still lose.

(Story ends)

"So, now you see my fatal dilemma?
With no ulterior motive or agenda
In a minute, I shall answer my question,
And let this be a lasting life lesson.
Trust your instincts and live your days with glee.
Don't live in paranoia, or you shall end up like me."

*His weak feet slip from the stomp.*

The Chase

2010-11-06T19:16:00.001-04:00

The chase in on; she never rests.
However, she is losing breath from her chest.
His blue eyes glare, and the race begins again…

And only God knows who will truly win.

The stump trips her vehemently,
And he falls evidently.
Twigs and rocks scratch and cut
While the feeling of nausea fills in her gut.

The ferocious Chase is still on,
And in a matter of time, one will be gone.
The heavy hot air flows from his mouth
As he searches for his prey further South.

Although neither one will be missed,
She gives up her empty promise of life
As he struggles to lose his wife.
She runs to the lake.

How many more steps can she take
Before she plunges into the watery grave?
If she loses air, she will not be saved.
Though she dives into the black abyss,
Only by God, she will be missed.

The Dying MP3

2010-11-06T19:13:00.000-04:00

*This is a poem about my first, short-lived, and cheap mp3 player. Let's just say that I was a over-dramatic in those days*

Dying slowly, but with grace

Constantly worrying about the changing colors on its face

Looking half as beautiful as the day, I met it.

Use to play with it all night long, but now, it has a limit.

Having startling attacks while it’s working for me

Sometimes, it even stops breathing; making me want to put it out of its misery.

But, I just take out the battery and start all over again.

And very soon, I know, I’ll have to trash my good friend.

No hope for the future; it’s sad that we know.

But we both understand that everything has to go.

I can’t upgrade; it would just be too odd.

Not another one like it, but it wants me to get an Ipod.

I’m not gonna let it go down without a fight.

So, get ready little buddy; hold on tight.

The Catcher and the Fly

2010-11-06T19:09:00.001-04:00

I tried to kill a fly

But it just wouldn’t die

I hit the mirror, and the mirror fell

But, the fly continued to dwell

As well, I think my eardrums burst

I’m thinking, “Man, I must be cursed.”

I tried to kill the thing last night

And it didn’t even put a fight

That little pest is going to pay

Whether it’s tomorrow or today

But if I only had some spray

I wouldn’t have hurt my hand this way

The Crazy and the Elderly

2010-08-13T03:30:00.000-04:00

I love to meet new people, whether it's in person or a social network; however, it seems like I always get the craziest people out there. I don't know what is about me that attracts them, but the flock to me. If it's not potential stalkers, it's old divorcees. If I have to delete another message from a 50 yr old guy trying flirt with me, I think I'm gonna get carpal tunnel syndrome! I've even been on dating sites, in the past, and the only flirtation I'd get would be from guys who don't understand the words "I'm not interested" or some elderly bachelor. Sometimes, I find myself scratching my head and wondering what they see. I'm always told that I have an innocent face, but could that be the key? I'm no stranger to learning the hard way about the beast in men, but I'm starting to see how appealing innocence really is. I just hope that this is a awkward phase in my life and it doesn't continue because that would be....so random.